'Just finished Out of the Past: Gay & Lesbian History from 1869 to the Present by Neil Miller (The revised & updated volume). It's, loaded with facts & contemporaneous viewpoints, both pro & con. Mr. Miller brings so much of our varied history together in a concise, easy manner. He liberally sprinkles names & references throughout calling our attention to hundreds of distinct histories of interest & related books. My "wanted books" list grew with each new section of Out of the Past. This book fits perfectly in any collection of Gay & Lesbian history or sociology.
I have but two complaints of sorts. While I understand with any book of this sort it's impossible to include everything there were one or two things from the era of my youth I was disappointed to see missing. MINOR! (like I said). The other is no fault of the author. The '06 copyrighted Alyson Books copy I bought was rife with typographical errors, to the point of distraction more than once. I can only hope Alyson Books has straightened out any problems in their proof reading dept. since the printing of this volume. Especially since I noticed a number of titles in their on-line catalogue I'm very interested in.
A truly worthwhile read!
A.S. Merrimac
Showing posts with label Homosexuality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Homosexuality. Show all posts
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Book Lists &c.
Looking over my profile page today got me thinking about favorite books & movies. I really can't come up with definitive list for either of these. There are hundreds I've read or watched & hundreds, no thousands more I want to read & watch. Next month or next year I'll find some next interest or fascination; something I may not have even heard of today. Any lists I try to compile will always be incomplete, tomorrow I will most likely remember a book I've loved but momentarily forgotten; all Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories along with the Thames Holmes movies starring the late Jeremy Brett and I will always love a couple of children's books from my youth. Every page, every flicker of the screen hold such potential if not actuality. Almost moment by moment one's perspective can be altered.
For the past year of so I've been in the midst of a "reading frenzy" What philosophy I can make sense of, the Bible (Roman Catholic & St. James), ancient Greek writings & Greek mythology and most rabidly of all books on Homosexual history & persecution.( I should probably compile a listing to post at some future date.)
I never was what we used to call a "cause queen", my low profile and my ambivalence toward the aggressive tactics of Queer Nation & Act Up (a long time ago!) limited my options for activism. Over the past year and a half I've had, as I mentioned in an earlier post, a reawakening of sorts. Along with that awakening I've developed an insatiable thirst for knowledge of the long road we've traveled. I inhale these books, they are like a drug!
This varied reading has forced me to abandon some old ideas, affirmed some others and presented some very different viewpoints & ways of thinking to me. As I read my list of wanted books gets ever longer & longer. I have great regret & not a little shame that I didn't arouse myself sooner, oh when I think back over my fears, my trepidation; I've been a fool, truly. I had glimpses here and there yet I never reached out for more. I remember being awed by the film Koyaanisqatsi when my first "lover" showed it to me in my teens; there was a whole "crazy life" & world out there. I touched it here & there but never grabbed it.
Now I do grab life, an intellectual one, an intellectual dare-devil I. I feel a rush that must be similar in some way to the rush felt by these worldly adventurers, the mountain climbers, the parachutists, the tri-athletes; those who risk life & limb. My risks are very different & usually not life-threatening yet they nonetheless are risky in there way. These books & movies are my mental mountain ranges as well as the little humps of dirt we used to jump our bicycles over for fun.
How can one catalogue & quantify such variety? How can one nail down, with certainty, the right bibliographic roads & maps? I read one book & absorb the outlook of the author only to find new interpretations, new facts even in the next two books on the same subject. Knowledge is a shape-shifting hydra. The only understanding, the only answer is more always more 'til that last breath escapes!
A.S. Merrimac
For the past year of so I've been in the midst of a "reading frenzy" What philosophy I can make sense of, the Bible (Roman Catholic & St. James), ancient Greek writings & Greek mythology and most rabidly of all books on Homosexual history & persecution.( I should probably compile a listing to post at some future date.)
I never was what we used to call a "cause queen", my low profile and my ambivalence toward the aggressive tactics of Queer Nation & Act Up (a long time ago!) limited my options for activism. Over the past year and a half I've had, as I mentioned in an earlier post, a reawakening of sorts. Along with that awakening I've developed an insatiable thirst for knowledge of the long road we've traveled. I inhale these books, they are like a drug!
This varied reading has forced me to abandon some old ideas, affirmed some others and presented some very different viewpoints & ways of thinking to me. As I read my list of wanted books gets ever longer & longer. I have great regret & not a little shame that I didn't arouse myself sooner, oh when I think back over my fears, my trepidation; I've been a fool, truly. I had glimpses here and there yet I never reached out for more. I remember being awed by the film Koyaanisqatsi when my first "lover" showed it to me in my teens; there was a whole "crazy life" & world out there. I touched it here & there but never grabbed it.
Now I do grab life, an intellectual one, an intellectual dare-devil I. I feel a rush that must be similar in some way to the rush felt by these worldly adventurers, the mountain climbers, the parachutists, the tri-athletes; those who risk life & limb. My risks are very different & usually not life-threatening yet they nonetheless are risky in there way. These books & movies are my mental mountain ranges as well as the little humps of dirt we used to jump our bicycles over for fun.
How can one catalogue & quantify such variety? How can one nail down, with certainty, the right bibliographic roads & maps? I read one book & absorb the outlook of the author only to find new interpretations, new facts even in the next two books on the same subject. Knowledge is a shape-shifting hydra. The only understanding, the only answer is more always more 'til that last breath escapes!
A.S. Merrimac
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Outness?
Can a person who doesn't completely believe in the conceit of strict sexual orientation come out? What of a person who long ago stopped "heterosexualizing" his life (as viewed by others)?
At 45 I'm frankly sick of worrying about losing perceived friends yet still worried about it, there's a paradox. What do I do; simply announce to each and everyone as I meet them "...oh, by the way, I'm gay"? I think most of those who already know me have silently figured it out long ago, I dropped many hints over the years. That's no longer enough for me. How does one just start living gay? I can't think of any other way of saying it. Do I owe my friends the announcement?
Fear and secretiveness long ago became habit. I lived two lives, but then they both fell apart to one degree or another. I hid from the world for a long time; now I have faced among others, my biggest fear. After spending nearly a decade celibate and waiting to die I got tested. Relief isn't a big enough word after the years of self-imposed uncertainty. It is a awakening of such tremendous proportion for me.
So now I must recast my life. I have once again opened my mind and heart to new ideas and new modes. Yet I still hold back from the final little step. This is partially complicated by an intuition I am not alone in having and reinforced by much enlightened reading.
I must stress that this isn't some lame form of denial. I have never had a problem with my orientation, just the world's view of it. I now believe the constructs of homosexuality and heterosexuality are merely inventions. Keeping in mind Kinsey's (sexuality) scale while reading, among others Homosexuality and Civilization by Louis Crompton or Homophobia: A History by Byrne Fone has reinforced years of personal experience. I can't tell you how many "straight" guys I've had encounters with over the years. The stereotype of the sleazy men's rooms, rest stops and parks is based on truth, but the real truth is these are the areas bolstered and frequented by these "straights" more often than not. Many of these men don't seem to be in any sort of self-denial as to their desires, they simply believe in presenting a straight persona to the world. Very often these men are married, I can't help but feel they're bit hypocritical. I'm not bashing those men who grew up in fear or ignorance just those knowingly accept and deny, sort of a societal DADT.
Now I figure I'm about a five and a half on Kinsey's scale-does that make me a homosexual? Or does it make me a man with a marked homosexual preference? Don't think of it as a semantic dispute. Think of it as a label dictated by society, an all-exclusive identifier. Why must the sexuality of the homosexual be the attribute used to define the entire person? I am so much more than simply a sexual being. I think this categorizing of sexuality may have been used primarily to legitimize civil persecution in place of religious persecution as church powers declined over the last few centuries. These secular arbiters, it must be remembered were and are for the most part congregants of these very same religions. So a fallacious precept is given secular and medical legitimacy by these people, reinforcing for some a pre-existing irrational hatred. This hatred was and is a self-hate for so many.
In spite of all this enmity there continue to be men and women who accept their innate disposition to one degree or another and in spite of the fading official dogma of church and state. How has it come to pass that a majority of, at least us Occidentals (Westerners), have learned to suppress so thoroughly a living part of their very being? And why?
Someday things will change for the better, but until then intelligent free thinking people must stand against all forms of prejudicial irrationality. So now having reached a transition must I follow a existing standard and label myself a gay man. Or can I identify myself as a man who's gay without sounding like a pedagog? I can't help but think it's important explore, reflect and discuss the validity of our present ideas of sexuality. So does coming out for me become a refutation of my developing belief? What do I become and how do I put it into words?
On top of all that, shedding my entrenched covertness is a difficult and ongoing process. A huge part of me can't help but wish it was already over and done with. I still haven't figured out how best to simply "be a gay man" (or a "man who's gay") in my day to day life. Is it still even necessary to declare your affiliation?
It is an interesting albeit awkward journey for me, I've got a lot of catching up to do! Hopefully one or two people will find this little composition and will be willing to share some of their wisdom with me.
A.S. Merrimac
( Still partially hiding behind a nom de blog.)
At 45 I'm frankly sick of worrying about losing perceived friends yet still worried about it, there's a paradox. What do I do; simply announce to each and everyone as I meet them "...oh, by the way, I'm gay"? I think most of those who already know me have silently figured it out long ago, I dropped many hints over the years. That's no longer enough for me. How does one just start living gay? I can't think of any other way of saying it. Do I owe my friends the announcement?
Fear and secretiveness long ago became habit. I lived two lives, but then they both fell apart to one degree or another. I hid from the world for a long time; now I have faced among others, my biggest fear. After spending nearly a decade celibate and waiting to die I got tested. Relief isn't a big enough word after the years of self-imposed uncertainty. It is a awakening of such tremendous proportion for me.
So now I must recast my life. I have once again opened my mind and heart to new ideas and new modes. Yet I still hold back from the final little step. This is partially complicated by an intuition I am not alone in having and reinforced by much enlightened reading.
I must stress that this isn't some lame form of denial. I have never had a problem with my orientation, just the world's view of it. I now believe the constructs of homosexuality and heterosexuality are merely inventions. Keeping in mind Kinsey's (sexuality) scale while reading, among others Homosexuality and Civilization by Louis Crompton or Homophobia: A History by Byrne Fone has reinforced years of personal experience. I can't tell you how many "straight" guys I've had encounters with over the years. The stereotype of the sleazy men's rooms, rest stops and parks is based on truth, but the real truth is these are the areas bolstered and frequented by these "straights" more often than not. Many of these men don't seem to be in any sort of self-denial as to their desires, they simply believe in presenting a straight persona to the world. Very often these men are married, I can't help but feel they're bit hypocritical. I'm not bashing those men who grew up in fear or ignorance just those knowingly accept and deny, sort of a societal DADT.
Now I figure I'm about a five and a half on Kinsey's scale-does that make me a homosexual? Or does it make me a man with a marked homosexual preference? Don't think of it as a semantic dispute. Think of it as a label dictated by society, an all-exclusive identifier. Why must the sexuality of the homosexual be the attribute used to define the entire person? I am so much more than simply a sexual being. I think this categorizing of sexuality may have been used primarily to legitimize civil persecution in place of religious persecution as church powers declined over the last few centuries. These secular arbiters, it must be remembered were and are for the most part congregants of these very same religions. So a fallacious precept is given secular and medical legitimacy by these people, reinforcing for some a pre-existing irrational hatred. This hatred was and is a self-hate for so many.
In spite of all this enmity there continue to be men and women who accept their innate disposition to one degree or another and in spite of the fading official dogma of church and state. How has it come to pass that a majority of, at least us Occidentals (Westerners), have learned to suppress so thoroughly a living part of their very being? And why?
Someday things will change for the better, but until then intelligent free thinking people must stand against all forms of prejudicial irrationality. So now having reached a transition must I follow a existing standard and label myself a gay man. Or can I identify myself as a man who's gay without sounding like a pedagog? I can't help but think it's important explore, reflect and discuss the validity of our present ideas of sexuality. So does coming out for me become a refutation of my developing belief? What do I become and how do I put it into words?
On top of all that, shedding my entrenched covertness is a difficult and ongoing process. A huge part of me can't help but wish it was already over and done with. I still haven't figured out how best to simply "be a gay man" (or a "man who's gay") in my day to day life. Is it still even necessary to declare your affiliation?
It is an interesting albeit awkward journey for me, I've got a lot of catching up to do! Hopefully one or two people will find this little composition and will be willing to share some of their wisdom with me.
A.S. Merrimac
( Still partially hiding behind a nom de blog.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)