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Friday, September 30, 2011

Reactionary Illusion or Delusion?

I never intended this blog and it's counterparts to be purely Gay Issue oriented. However a number of Gay related news stories at present demand rebuttal. So the next few posts will be posted on all three blogs verbatim.

In no particular order:

Ann Coulter; her column of Sept. 28th "Does Rick Perry Have a Performance Problem". Coulter makes some very bizarre statements. 
 a) We already had a Republican president and both political parties try to foist amnesty on us. The country erupted in rage, forced Congress to withdraw Bush's "comprehensive immigration reform" and rewarded Bush with a humiliating defeat in the 2006 midterm elections.

It wasn't Perry's delivery; it was his policy that Republicans -- and apparently a lot of Democrats and independents -- don't like.
Hispanic citizens who have undergone the arduous process of becoming citizens the legal way aren't crazy about the idea either.                                    (my italics)
 This final sentence structured to imply an overwhelming consensus of opinion from legal Hispanic immigrants. I think a statement like that requires some statistical back-up. A quick on-line search today showed overwhelming consensus. The best (or worst) I could find was a Denver Post poll of 3,000 Colorado voters showed a majority of Hispanic respondents, 62% supported strict laws similar to Arizona's and an odd extrapolation by another blogger:
It shows that most Hispanic-Americans understand the Arizona law isn't about racism or even opposition to immigration. It's about a state trying to curb illegal immigration only.   (my italics)

b) When the audience booed Gov. Perry, it wasn't booing a former Air Force captain. It was booing in-state tuition for illegal aliens.
Similarly, the audience was not "booing a soldier" during one of the video questions, ... The audience was booing the soldier's demand that Republican presidential candidates commit to not overturning a sleazy partisan vote taken in the twilight days of the heavily Democratic 2010 Congress.                                                                                                                       (my underlines and italics)
 Be careful Ann (You don't mind if I call Ann?), such elastic analogies can snap very easily.
For example there is a Brobdingnagian (Cool word huh!) difference between a political office holder, running for higher office who happens to be a veteran and an active serviceman serving in wartime. I really hope no further explication is required on that point.
What would you and fellow conservative commentators be saying if the soldier asked the same question worded from a conservative viewpoint and the same number of audience members booed? The uproar would be deafening!

c) The audience was booing the soldier's demand.... (my italics again)

Serviceman Stephen Hill: In 2010, when I was deployed to Iraq, I had to lie about who I was, because I'm a gay soldier, and I didn't want to lose my job.
My question is, under one of your presidencies, do you intend to circumvent the progress that's been made for gay and lesbian soldiers in the military?

I'm hard pressed to find anything approaching a demand in the above quote. If I'm somehow missing it would someone please point it out to me.

Serviceman Hill, thank you for your service to our nation and BRAVO for your courage in coming out as you did.

The only word that comes to mind to describe the breakdown of the question and inclusion of interjections is cunning. You managed to give a perception of length and pause to the question that wasn't there and invent an exaggerated sense patience on the part of the audience while magnifying the specificity of the booing to suit your purpose.

d) It is beyond absurd to demand that Republican candidates pledge not to consider altering a recent rule change overturning a military policy that had been in effect from the beginning of warfare until the last few weeks of the 111th Congress. 
From the beginning of warfare! come on Ann, that's downright pitiful.
see DOD Directive 1332.14, January 28, 1982, Part 1, Section H
A quick search of Amazon or Abe books will reveal an avalanche of books countering that sentence!

e) This is not an anti-gay position; it's a pro-military position. The basic idea is that sexual bonds are disruptive to the military bond.                                                                     Soldiers, sailors and Marines living in close quarters who are having sex with one another, used to have sex with one another or would like to have sex with one another simply cannot function as a well-oiled fighting machine.
It just keeps getting worse and worse. Proofs? Statistics? Studies?" Legitimate ones that is.
f) A battalion of married couples facing a small unit of heterosexual men would be slaughtered.                                                                                                                           (My italics)
Epaminondas,                                             The Sacred Band of Thebes


                                                Need I say more!
g) But liberals enjoy engaging in wild social experiments (my italics) with other people's lives, safety and money in order to feel better about themselves. So now the next Republican president is going to have to repeal open sexuality in the military along with Obamacare.

"Wild social experiments" like equality and the franchise for woman and blacks, or maybe Truman's desegregating the military or Eisenhower's use of federal troops and the National Guard to intervene on behalf of the nine students in Little Rock etc., etc., etc.,

h) Let's just hope the Germans don't start feeling militaristic before then. ( my italics)
The dig about the Germans is cute-I'm sure that'll help our relations with Germany and improve our image overseas!
Most of the rest of that particular column is grist for another time, except to remark on Coulter's claim of Liberal bullying tactics. I'll have to let that one by, for if there's one thing Conservatives in this country know it's bullying tactics!

So much more to come.......

"Honor" Student

I was going to post something regarding this travesty, however I found a post on the blog I Should Be Laughing that laid out the story completely and objectively. Give it a read, it'll be time well spent!

image from


Monday, September 26, 2011

I Met a Man

I met a man just like me,
He loves his family, just like me.
He loves his land, just like me.
He loves the spring, just like me.
He loves the blue of the sky, just like me.
He loves the flickering stars and transiting planets, just like me.
He loves the rich earth, the sapphire seas and the golden sun,
just like me.
He loves life, just like me.
He loves as I love, 
we are the same in all we love.
I met a man just like me,
He loves his God, just like me.
We are the same,
but for our God's name.
I met a man just like me,
In truth we really are the same.
All of us, you and me.

                                                       Sept. 26, '11

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Art of Politics

a : settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions b : something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things 

  American politics is, essentially a battle between opposing, but broad viewpoints on various planes intersecting at various places sharing the governance of the land through all levels of government. This battle takes place on the back of a huge moderate majority. All laid out in a way that prevents any faction from gaining complete and permanent control of our government. It has been tried, many times in our past and it will be tried again in our future. This form of republican government is by necessity cumbersome and messy. And we should be grateful it's that way.
The ONLY way this system can function and endure is through compromise. As we've seen this year; when any one faction digs in its proverbial heels, the entire political machine grinds to a halt. No mechanism can properly run if one of its gears refuses to turn. No matter how much or how loud any constituency cheers the steadfast stubborn gear, the machine will soon break down. Flexibility is a cornerstone of democracy. ( Inefficiency is another. )
  Any faction which refuses to compromise endangers our nation. Any faction which refuses to accommodate that with which they disagree endangers our nation. Quite simply anyone who opposes any and all change is un-American. This nation has survived because of its adaptability; in spite of some severe tests. Times of great challenges and difficulties demand plasticity, a reactionary stand will cause us to fall. Look around, in all of nature that which bends eventually destroys that which is rigid and unmoving. Resilience is survival.
  Accept and embrace change. Like the swimmer in the grip of riptide swim with the current, to fight it is to drown; work with, not against change.
  I love this great nation; so much so that I willingly face its scars and deformities in the bright sunlight of honest  day and work to heal, rather than hide her wounds. I acknowledge past wrongs in order to prevent future wrongs. I adapt.
   Demand that flexibility of your representatives, demand it of yourself. Don't just accept, stand up and fight for liberty even for those you oppose. Give what you expect to receive. And like the child in a toy store, accept the fact that you can't have everything you want all the time.


I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent. When governments fear the people there is liberty. When the people fear the government there is tyranny.    

 - Thomas Jefferson

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Passing Lives

Image  from the web

On A Water Taxi


You sat across from me,
on the starboard side,
just forward,
on the little water taxi.
At that moment
we could have been on Charon’s barge,
I didn’t care.
You were small built,
with tousled dark hair
and a casual beard.
Your eyes hidden behind
simple tortoise shell sunglasses.

I first noticed that rough dark beard
& then the thick dark hair
showing in the irregular “V”
of the two open buttons of your shirt.

So beautiful!

Sparks of white light,
the steel ring in your left ear,
& the silver band on your right hand.

Were you looking at me from behind those dark glasses,
or out beyond at the port side view?
Honestly, I wonder-
did you even notice me?
Where you wondering;
“Why does he keep looking at me?”

I could not help myself,
Your youthful masculine beauty
easily won out over the familiar harbor views.
Your form,
Your perfect tan.
A tan of healthy summer activity.

The golden sunlight glinting off the bleached hair
of arms & legs.
The soft wavering shadow lines;
faint tracings along your hands & forearms
revealing the arterial channels
shot through with your youthful lifeblood.


What of that sheathed body?
What of those masked eyes?
What of that unknown psyche,
or that primeval id?
Who are you really?


I know you are so much more
than just that splendid form,
visible before my eyes.
Are you good & true?
or evil & crude perhaps?


I shall never know you,
beyond that arousing frame.
You’ll never read this,
  if you did, you’d never know,
  It’s about you.
This poor jumble is all I’ll ever have
beyond faded memory of our brushing paths,
All I can ever do to express such bittersweet gratitude;
taking of you what I could with eyes alone.
How can I assuage my regret:
I’ll never know the complete you,
still, I thank you swarthy stranger.

                                                                                                Summer  ’11
copyright ASM 2011

Monday, September 5, 2011


"Many LGBT youth can't picture what their lives might be like as openly gay adults. They can't imagine a future for themselves. So let's show them what our lives are like, let's show them what the future may hold in store for them."


Sunday, September 4, 2011

The "Titanic Effect"

  I can't help but feel we're on our way to a technological calamity. One which will alter our faith in ourselves. I call it the "Titanic Effect" since the legends which have grown from that tragedy are arguably some of the best known in the world today. The falsity that some unknown individual involved with the design, construction or ownership of the great ship boasted "God Himself couldn't sink her" along with our blind faith in our marine technology of the era.
  We are far too eager to believe the claims of the tech-boosters and prophets of arrived perfection. Today it's our "information superhighway" that is headed full speed blindly in the black night with us joyfully aboard. "Ah, you're just a contrary Luddite" you say, well, yeah, I am, sort of. But read on....
  Never forget, the people who make the stuff want to sell it & the people who buy the stuff don't always understand all they are buying. Those who design and profit from high tech (just like every other business endeavor) are always ready to gloss over any negative potentials; even to the point of convincing themselves. Those who have the resources to purchase these new wonders usually rely on freshly minted experts to explain and implement these new goodies. These experts also have a vested interest in promulgating any new tech, since it means more work and profit for them (there is nothing evil in that, it is simply a fact one needs to keep in mind). It is inevitable that any early successes will be followed by a stampede to "tech-up" by nearly everyone else.
  Our modern rush to commit everything to the ether cries out for a reiteration of the cautionary tale embodied in the Titanic legend. We are, all to willing to accept the spiel of the e-drummer. Under cover of claims of simplification our lives are getting more and more complex at an ever increasing rate. If you doubt me just look at the tangle of wires and cables under your computer desk or the hall table where you plug everything in to charge overnight. We sign on for risks we don't even know exist. Identity theft, "design flaws" and hacking threaten all of us  more directly every day. Amidst promises of impenetrable security we are racing to trust our whole lives to the ether. Banking and credit card information, medical records, intimate details of  our lives all go on-line proven safe by that little padlock icon:
 In spite of regular news stories telling of "software glitches", "human error", stolen hardware and hacking. No security is impenetrable, keep that in mind as you look after your savings and investments on-line, or as you load money onto a transit fare card, or as you swipe your credit card through all manner of reader. Anyone one who's ever had their identity stolen or their computer hacked knows you can't get much more complicated than straightening out those.
  I'm not advocating abandoning computers and the web or a halt to all advance (considering I writing this for a blog, that would be a bit disingenuous of me wouldn't it.) , just reasonable caution and honest assessment. Do not ignore or down play risks, demand a comprehensive examination of any electronic system dealing in sensitive information and demand security redundancy . Don't race to get every single new gadget that comes on the market. How  many devices with cameras and e-mail does one person really need?         Don't trust your entire life to the ether.
  Anything you put on-line is there forever and for all to see. Does you employer or the government or a jilted lover have a right to know so much about your life? Yes they do, if you post it all on-line or trust it all to not very secure secure systems.
  Will it take another titanic disaster for us to come to our senses? Will hundreds or even thousands of people need to suffer some sort of financial loss before we once again remember reasonable caution?
  Gloom and doom you say. Yes, because I feel it's important for us to always cast a critical eye toward any claimed advance. Remember there are pluses and minuses to every choice we make. This very blog is, at least to me, a wonderful advance. I can share my thoughts and  read those of so many more people than I could have before the web/net. The  flip side is that even if my thoughts are insane I can still share them with the world. Those pathetic forwards that have been bouncing around e-mail for years are a perfect example of the negative. My sister, for example, after being inundated by so many of these forwards from other family members has become convinced that the U.S. is being over-run by millions of immigrants whose only goal is to collect welfare. This obviously is not true and she is an extremely intelligent and rational person, yet after a constant bombardment of these silly forwards over time she has begun to believe, if not the facts of these messages, their general sense. I have an aunt who believes even the most outlandish of these e-mails forwards. 
  Embrace and enjoy all the benefits of our ever advancing technology, just remember roses always come with a few thorns.

                                                                                                                                                                               A.S. Merrimac

P.S. Let's declare war against I.B.S. (Internet Bull S---t) delete those stupid and hateful forwards and click away from those foul lying hate mongering sites.        

Friday, September 2, 2011

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Is tumblr Worth the Effort?

Since my first tentative dip into the "blogosphere" I've been running across this tumblr service(?).

I've found some interesting content, but being a Luddite of sorts, I've haven't quite got the hang of the place. It seems far more complex than I've signed-up and created a second version of The Bohemian Prospect there. Is it worth the effort?  

A.S. Merrimac

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Another Attempt at Verse

Psoriasis; Healing

Glaring sun,

Cloudless sky,

Crackled tar-

Crackled skin.

Streaming sweat,

Cooling breeze.

Healing rays for skin,

soothing zephyr for soul.

Intuitive, primal.

Dank armpits...

& below,

masculine remembrance.

Chest & leg hair softly vibrating

Animal sensations.

Shamanistic healing.

The primeval,

on a reclusive metropolitan rooftop- July day.

                                                                             written summer '11,
                                                                   A.S. Merrimac

                                                                                                                       copyright A.S.M. July. 2011

Friday, August 19, 2011

Urban Impressions

I recently began volunteering in the office of a social group I've   joined in the South End (of Boston). The South End has come a long, long way over the past quarter century! I remember a South End of muggings, drug dealing, iron bars on windows and those Fox/Magic Eye police locks on doors (remember those?) 

Now the neighborhood, what I've seen of it, is a scene of  beautiful tree-lined streets of brick, brownstone and hunter green trim, alive with a new urban lifestyle, Children in playgrounds, people walking dogs, bicyclists, joggers, little crowds at sidewalk cafes; shot through with a refreshing linear park: the Southwest Corridor Park. Sections of the SWCP are worthy of Thoreau. It's almost as if the dreams of the original South End developers & speculators have finally come true; with a few twenty-first century adjustments. I'm not claiming it's an Eden on Earth; the South End has multiple problems just like everywhere else, but the populace seems to have found direction, an ideal they are working towards. I live in wonderful South Boston, a neighborhood of mostly wood-frame homes, exterior-wise, the gentrification of South Boston hasn't been as gentle as the latest wave has been in the South End with its solid brick & brownstone.
  While it's nice to see a visual (at least) revival ; I find it so very disappointing to see so many newer residents of South Boston taking little interest in the community. While many are getting involved: becoming real neighbors, their are still too many who choose to do little else but throw noisy roof deck parties & sleep here. There's a touch of a strange sort of snobbery to a lot of these "twenty & thirty-somethings" which I find distressing; I can't say with any certainty whether or not something similar is going on in the South End. I certainly hope it passes before it reaches some sort of critical mass. Without interaction, without solidarity, without compassion there is no neighborhood. Whether or not the "new neighborhood" suits me or any individual is not nearly as important as the fact that it exists (of course I certainly hope it suits me & the other old-timers.). Every time I hear the laughter & squeals of my neighbors' children in their back-yards I take heart. 
  Again, I can't say for certain what neighborhood bonds in the South End are truly like, however the level of municipal flourishes leads me to believe they do have strong sense of community there. I can't help but wonder if the sense I get of real community in the South End is simply a case of "the grass is always greener-itus" or if it is created in part by the superior visual harmony of the South End streetscape today? Our visual perceptions play a huge part in our overall assessment of an area. As I mentioned above, the contemporaneous wave of gentrification in the South End has been gentler than that in South Boston. The brick bow-fronts & scattered blocks of brownstones lend themselves to far less bastardization than the wood-frame homes in South Boston. The wood-frame buildings in South Boston had already been subjected to previous attacks: wood, asphalt & asbestos shingles, "Colorado Brick", aluminum & vinyl siding et al. While most of these assaults only covered-over a majority of the exteriors; today all is stripped off, right down to the sheathing. Almost no effort is put into any actual design; there is no attempt to replicate or proportionally adapt original design elements, e.g. a large Greek Revival structure lost its massive-& beautifully intact acanthus leaf consoles supporting an entablature-like hood over the entry.
                                                                                                     similar to these only bigger!:

                                                                                                              - in their place....nothing.

   Over-sized recessed panels,  ill-scaled plastic dentil strips & plastic window pre-fab, one size fits all cornices among other abominations. All painted over with pedestrrian colors. To add insult to injury much of this is done quickly & cheaply. These days, they are usually condo-conversions so as far as the "developers" are concerned it only need hold together until all the units are sold off. All in an amalgam that is, I think, psychologically both unsettling & generic at the same time; even to a consciously indifferent eye. Mission lamps & Art Deco house numbers on colonial revival-esque trim all imposed on a humble Italianate row house. Everything sheet-rock, particleboard, fiberglass/plastic &  silicon caulking, PVC, MDF and the like. All contributing to an aura artificiality & insubstantiality  
   I can't help but feel there's an undefinable something tied to this atmosphere that hinders a sense of settled community. Each block its own sort of qualitative & economic roller-coaster. I know it sounds rather idiotic-I simply can't seem to find the right words to express what mean. I'm not trying to assert a primacy to the power of architectural design & quality of workmanship to affect the sense of community of a given locale, they are just two pieces of a complex puzzle; Two particular pieces I feel I have tuned into.
   After the nascent brutalization wave (the gentrification before most of us knew the word) of the properties of the South End in the in the '70s a cohesive community vision seems to have taken root. While the speculators and developers haven't been vanquished, there is a higher level of sympathy for historic & communal architectural, cityscaping & design ideals, as well as heightened municipal financial & artistic investment in public spaces visible in the South End compared to South Boston & many other sections of the city. I say this even while taking into account the superior physical/structural base that exists in the South End as well as the varying priorities of the divers populations of these neighborhoods. (I should make a  comparative thumbnail survey  of the marketing foci of the respective realtors' marketing schemes, for my initial sense is they too are very different.)
  Perhaps I'm basing my opinions partially on an over-broad or even inappropriate interpretation of Wilson & Kelling's Broken Window Theory, yet I can't help but think it plays a subliminal role. Conversely, I'm not advocating rigid community standards, just a consensus of some kind in some manner. Something that can foster the waxing of a vested interest in one's community/neighborhood.
   Today the South End projects that sense of interest & involvement that seems to be fading in South Boston (or at least is under attack). It's time we took our neighborhoods back from speculators & gilded transients. People must always come before money, community before profit. In the long run expanding the tax base at the expense of established residents & their concerns will do great harm to a city.

                                                                  A.S. Merrimac

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Book Review

  'Just finished Out of the Past: Gay & Lesbian History from 1869 to the Present by Neil Miller (The revised & updated volume). It's, loaded with facts & contemporaneous viewpoints, both pro & con. Mr. Miller brings so much of our varied history together in a concise, easy manner. He liberally sprinkles names & references throughout calling our attention to hundreds of distinct histories of interest & related books. My "wanted books" list grew with each new section of Out of the Past. This book fits perfectly in any collection of Gay & Lesbian history or sociology.
 I have but two complaints of sorts. While I understand with any book of this sort it's impossible to include everything there were one or two things from the era of my youth I was disappointed to see missing. MINOR! (like I said). The other is no fault of the author. The '06 copyrighted Alyson Books copy I bought was rife with typographical errors, to the point of distraction more than once. I can only hope Alyson Books has straightened out any problems in their proof reading dept. since the printing of this volume. Especially since I noticed a number of titles in their on-line catalogue I'm very interested in.
  A truly worthwhile read!

                                                            A.S. Merrimac     

Friday, August 5, 2011

Book Lists &c.

Looking over my profile page today got me thinking about favorite books & movies. I really can't come up with  definitive list for either of these. There are hundreds I've read or watched & hundreds, no thousands more I want to read & watch. Next month or next year I'll find some next interest or fascination; something I may not have even heard of today. Any lists I try to compile will always be incomplete,  tomorrow I will most likely remember a book I've loved but momentarily forgotten; all  Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories along with the Thames Holmes movies starring the late Jeremy Brett and I will always love a couple of children's books from my youth. Every page, every flicker of the screen hold such potential if not actuality. Almost moment by moment one's perspective can be altered.
  For the past year of so I've been in the midst of a "reading frenzy" What philosophy I can make sense of, the Bible (Roman Catholic & St. James), ancient Greek writings & Greek mythology and most rabidly of all books on Homosexual history & persecution.( I should probably compile a listing to post at some future date.)
   I never was what we used to call a "cause queen",  my low profile and my ambivalence toward the aggressive tactics of Queer Nation & Act Up (a long time ago!) limited my options for activism. Over the past year and a half I've had, as I mentioned in an earlier post, a reawakening of sorts. Along with that awakening I've developed an insatiable thirst for knowledge of the long road we've traveled. I inhale these books, they are like a drug!
  This varied reading has forced me to abandon some old ideas, affirmed some others and presented some very different viewpoints & ways of thinking to me. As I read my list of wanted books gets ever longer & longer. I have great regret & not a little shame that I didn't arouse myself sooner, oh when I think back over my fears, my trepidation; I've been a fool, truly. I had glimpses here and there yet I never reached out for more. I remember being awed by the film Koyaanisqatsi when my first "lover" showed it to me in my teens; there was a whole "crazy life" & world out there. I touched it here & there but never grabbed it.
  Now I do grab life, an intellectual one, an intellectual dare-devil I. I feel a rush that must be similar in some way to the rush felt by these worldly adventurers, the mountain climbers, the parachutists, the tri-athletes; those who risk life & limb. My risks are very different & usually not life-threatening yet they nonetheless are risky in there way. These books & movies are my mental mountain ranges as well as the little humps of dirt we used to jump our bicycles over for fun.
  How can one catalogue & quantify such variety? How can one nail down, with certainty, the right bibliographic roads & maps? I read one book & absorb the outlook of the author only to find new interpretations, new facts even  in the next two books on the same subject. Knowledge is a shape-shifting hydra. The only understanding, the only answer is more always more 'til that last breath escapes!  

                                                                           A.S. Merrimac   

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sheryl Swoopes News

   Earlier today I took a look at my copy of  last week's Bay Windows, a weekly for the New England GLBT community and came across an opinion piece by Rev. Irene Monroe regarding the recent news of Sheryl Swoopes' engagement to a man. Now first off I've got to admit I had no idea who Sheryl Swoopes is, so I nearly passed the article right by. The word "bi-phobia" in the header caught my attention. Reading the article I couldn't help but be struck by the story's connection to some aspects of my musings on Outness last week.
   Why is it that bisexuality, which would, I think, be the norm if subject to suppressed by Occidental societal pressures, considered a lack of commitment by both ends of the spectrum? Is it because it puts the lie to the imperatives of either side? Homophobic groups use it as proof of their claims of homosexuality being a choice and can use willing bisexuals as "proof" of their cures. And sad to say some gays view pronouncements of bisexuality as a dodge for those who refuse to admit their homosexuality. I can't help but feel pity for the spot Ms. Swoopes is in as a public figure. Aside from the ridiculous pressures from such public exposure their is the added harangues of factions trying to use her for their own purposes. Everything she says and does is susceptible to manipulation and misuse for someone else's cause. I understand that she has maintained all along that she views sexuality as a choice. That is counter to what many GLBT organizations hold, they know such an opinion will be used as a weapon by conservative religious groups; it often is. If one thinks it through with clear and open mind, it's obvious; to a "near middle" bisexual, sexual attraction does come down to choice.
Even"five and a half me" has some sexual interest in women. Although I truly can't ever imagine myself in a long term sexually exclusive relationship with a woman.
   This complete misunderstanding of the dynamics of sexuality, introductory arousal and psychic attraction  stands in the way of any rational discourse. There are not two or three or four sexual orientations; each and ever one of us has our own set of sex-variables (for lack of a better term) with an inborn base or essence supplemented with circumstantial modifiers or fetishes e.g. I know I was born with a pronounced attraction to males, from experience beards appeal to me, also red sweatpants are an arousal trigger engendered by a couple of entertaining incidents involving red sweatpants.
   I have always marveled at the bizarre proposition that one would choose homosexuality, let me explain that one: go back in time fifty, a hundred, four hundred years when "sodomites" were tortured and executed; who the hell would choose that path? I don't believe the piece of ass exists which would make me want to risk that! I think the very fact that, after centuries of such malevolence and violence, the continued presence of individuals who love the same sex proves beyond doubt that homosexuality is not simply an aberrant lust. I'm certainly not brave enough to risk censure and violence for a simple physical pleasure. I contemplated my urges and emotions many, many times when I was younger; there is absolutely no way I could then or can now alter the principle focus of my desires: physical or emotional.     
    The piece by Rev. Monroe excerpted a quote  contained in a piece by Cyd Zeigler on :
"It is amazing to me that after all the HOOPLA surrounding Sheryl Swoopes “coming out” …. her recent marriage to a MAN get’s virtually no attention. Is she now UN-GAY?… Why is the fact that this woman went through a period of “trial” in her life NOT getting any press? It is obvious that the woman just like every other gay or lesbian man or woman in the world had at that time made a CHOICE to entertain the idea of being with someone of the same gender. Sheryl is just more proof that no one is born gay, it is a learned behavior brought on by experiences and circumstances in ones life. I am very happy for Sheryl – but the “gay agenda” driven PRESS can bite it. It is MORE than obvious the press is nothing but a bunch of HYPOCRITES more than willing to make a HUGE story out of someone supposedly being gay but having absolutely NOTHING to say when that same individual realizes it was NOTHING more than just a phase in their lives."
    It is incomprehensible to me, the level of vehemence expressed by "extremist heterosexuals" What is at the root of it, hatred or fear? 
    In general, our society seems to accept a bisexual female a lot easier than a bisexual male. I think had this been a bisexual male the uproar would have been insane. Why is it easier for a woman to be bisexual regarding societal acceptance? ...That's a subject for another day.
   A very large part of who we fall in love with is circumstance plain and simple. We can't fall in love with someone we haven't met. Circumstance put a man, then a woman, the another man in Ms. Swoopes' path. For a middle of the scale bisexual, the sex of the person whom they fall in love with can't really matter, can it? The only choice they really can be said to make is whether or not to pursue a relationship with the person they connect with. They are, I think, the most fortunate of us all.
   Rev. Monroe ends her article with two excellent points we must all try to keep in mind:
"Who Swoops is partnered really none of our business." and "If you are in the straight camp cheering Swoopes for 'crossing back over' or in the queer camp castigating her for 'flip-flopping' you share a bi-phobic reaction to Swoopes' choice........"


Friday, July 29, 2011

Literary Presumptions

  I've decided to dig up an erotic story I began years ago just for my own amusement, to see if I can make something of it. I ran across a mention of a writing contest which this story might just fit. I have no idea if my writing efforts of late have any merit, I'm in a bit of a vacuum regarding any level of literary competence right now. For the time being I figure I'll just keep pounding away at the typewriter & scratching out my musings in composition books until I find someone who can tell me if there's a kernel of some worth buried in amongst the effusion.
"Then to the lip of this poor earthen Urn
I lean'd, the Secret of my Life to learn:
  And lip to Lip it murmur'd  - 'While
    you live,
Drink! -  for, once dead, you never shall

                                                        The Rubaiyt of Omar Khayyam                                                              

                                           A.S. Merrimac

Sunday, July 24, 2011


  Can a person who doesn't completely believe in the conceit of strict sexual orientation come out? What of a person who long ago stopped "heterosexualizing" his life (as viewed by others)?
  At 45 I'm frankly sick of worrying about losing perceived friends yet still worried about it, there's a paradox. What do I do; simply announce to each and everyone as I meet them "...oh, by the way, I'm gay"? I think most of those who already know me have silently figured it out long ago, I dropped many hints over the years. That's no longer enough for me. How does one just start living gay? I can't think of any other way of saying it. Do I owe my friends the announcement?
  Fear  and secretiveness long ago became habit. I lived two lives, but then they both fell apart to one degree or another. I hid from the world for a long time; now I have faced among others, my biggest fear. After spending nearly a decade celibate and waiting to die I got tested. Relief isn't a big enough word after the years of self-imposed uncertainty. It is a awakening of such tremendous proportion for me.
  So now I must recast my life. I have once again opened my mind and heart to new ideas and new modes. Yet I still hold back from the final little step. This is partially complicated by an intuition I am not alone in having and reinforced by much enlightened reading.
  I must stress that this isn't some lame form of denial. I have never had a problem with my orientation, just the world's view of it. I now believe the constructs of homosexuality and heterosexuality are merely inventions. Keeping in mind Kinsey's (sexuality) scale while reading, among others Homosexuality and Civilization by Louis Crompton or Homophobia: A History by Byrne Fone has reinforced years of personal experience. I can't tell you how many "straight" guys I've had encounters with over the years. The stereotype of the sleazy men's rooms, rest stops and parks is based on truth, but the real truth is these are the areas bolstered and frequented by these "straights" more often than not. Many of these men don't seem to be in any sort of self-denial as to their desires, they simply believe in presenting a straight persona to the world. Very often these men are married,  I can't help but feel they're bit hypocritical. I'm not bashing those men who grew up in fear or ignorance just those knowingly accept and deny, sort of a societal DADT. 
  Now I figure I'm about a five and a half on Kinsey's scale-does that make me a homosexual? Or does it make me a man with a marked homosexual preference? Don't think of it as a semantic dispute. Think of it as a label dictated by society, an all-exclusive identifier. Why must the sexuality of the homosexual be the attribute used to define the entire person? I am so much more than simply a sexual being. I think this categorizing of sexuality may have been used primarily to legitimize civil persecution in place of religious persecution as church powers declined over the last few centuries. These secular arbiters, it must be remembered were and are for the most part congregants of these very same religions. So a fallacious precept is given secular and medical legitimacy by these people, reinforcing for some a pre-existing irrational hatred.  This hatred was and is a self-hate for so many.
  In spite of all this enmity there continue to be men and women who accept their innate disposition to one degree or another and in spite of the fading official dogma of church and state. How has it come to pass that a majority of, at least us Occidentals (Westerners), have learned to suppress so thoroughly a living part of their very being? And why?
  Someday things will change for the better, but until then intelligent free thinking people must stand against all forms of prejudicial irrationality.  So now having reached a transition must I follow a existing standard and label myself a gay man. Or can I identify myself as a man who's gay without sounding like a pedagog? I can't help but think it's important explore, reflect and discuss the validity of our present ideas of sexuality. So does coming out for me become a refutation of my developing belief? What do I become and how do I put it into words? 
  On top of all that, shedding my entrenched covertness is a difficult and ongoing process. A huge part of me can't help but wish it was already over and done with. I still haven't figured out how best to simply "be a gay man" (or a "man who's gay") in my day to day life. Is it still even necessary to declare your affiliation?  
  It is an interesting albeit awkward journey for me, I've got a lot of catching up to do! Hopefully one or two people will find this little composition and will be willing to share some of their wisdom with me.

                                                                                             A.S. Merrimac 

( Still partially hiding behind a nom de blog.)